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Nurturing Relationships means Putting others First

the golden rule

When you get right down to it, the biblical commandment referred to as the ‘Golden Rule’, is the basis for understanding relationships. Everyone knows how to look out for #1; you do it all day, every day whether you realize it or not. You may not always look out for yourself in the healthiest manner, but nonetheless, human beings are, by nature, selfish. With that said, people want to feel connected to others. People want to feel appreciated, valued and even loved. As young babies, you started out trusting your mother or whoever first began to take care of you. It is not until that trust was broken by another human being resulting in you feeling emotional pain, that your relationship skills begin to get complicated.

It makes sense that Jesus worded this commandment as He did because just saying, “Love your neighbor” would not penetrate our full understanding of what true relationship nurturing is all about. But, if in a situation you could ask yourself. “if the roles were reverse, how would I want to be treated at this moment, in this situation?” then it becomes crystal clear how managing healthy relationships should work.

“You shall love your neighbor as yourself. There is no other commandment greater than these.“ – Mark 7:31

a mindset focused on helping others

When you focus on helping others rather than personally getting ahead, you automatically practice the golden rule. By developing a mindset (and heart) of constantly and consistently putting others first, the eventual payoff is always greater than your investment. It’s the law of nature and it’s reciprocity at work. Be careful not to manipulate this phenomenon. People know when you are insincere.

Amy Rees Anderson explains in her June 16, 2016, Forbes article, that “As a CEO I found that the more I focused on helping my employees to personally succeed both in their professional and personal lives, the more my entire company succeeded - and as a result, I personally succeeded far more than I ever would have imagined.”

“Successful people are always looking for opportunities to help others. Unsuccessful people are always asking, ‘What’s in it for me?’” – Brian Tracy

start by learning to give sincere compliments

Did you know that giving sincere compliments is a form of leadership? When you give someone a sincere personal compliment about who they are as a person, it creates a feeling of motivation and builds self-confidence. This is because, when you receive a sincere compliment, your brain releases dopamine. Associated with focus and positivity, dopamine

keeps you coming back for more which is why giving compliments is a form of leadership. When you tell someone, they have made an impact in your life, you are reinforcing that they are valuable and have the power to make an impact in the world. They come back to recreate that feeling again by working harder and with more commitment in hopes that you will, once again, provide positive, self-confidence building feedback.

Telling someone that you like their shirt will provide a small degree of this cycle but compliments on their work efforts, character, or values have a huge impact. Zig Ziglar was a master at being what he called, a” good finder”. He actively looked for opportunities to give others sincere, personal compliments. He would often write notes to servers on the bill that were thoughtful and unique. “What a fantastic server you are. You made my dining experience incredible with your attentiveness and your desire to go above and beyond. I truly love the food here, but I will come back because of the experience you gave us as a server.”. Wow! I wonder how many of those napkins and bills are now framed in offices and living rooms.

giving compliments is a win-win

As much joy as you feel when you receive a compliment, your brain also releases dopamine when you GIVE a compliment. Giving compliments and witnessing how this act of kindness can transform someone’s whole day, gives you a sense of joy. It raises your own self-confidence and self-esteem.

When you focus on helping others by building their confidence, self-esteem, and attitude, you are in a sense, providing leadership. You have the ability to make a difference in someone’s life and in turn, you create strength and confidence in yourself.

Successful people know that concentrating on helping others get what they need to be successful, they will in time, obtain tools and opportunities to become more successful. Next time you are tempted to explain to someone all you can do for them – STOP! Ask them what they need and then sincerely sit back and listen for opportunities to compliment them and provide assistance.

“Tolerance implies a respect for another person, not because he is wrong or even because he is right, but because he is human.” – John Cogley

I would love to have a 1-2-1 and find out more about you and answer any questions you may have. I am always looking for opportunities to help people. Let’s chat soon. Here is my scheduling link.

Many years my friend, many years....

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